Just how hard can this be?

So as a long time fleet manager I felt that I would be completely able to replace wiper blades on the Grouch fleet and change the oil and filter on the blue whale. No worries, right? You are dealing with the Grouch don't forget.

Step one: Remove the wipers from the Aztek (the most unique car on the planet), the Jeep (now accessorized to be the most unique Jeep on the planet) and the whale (the most....something on the planet). The Aztek yields meekly and surrenders her wipers. The Jeep struggles a bit but give in. The whale...not on your life, no sir, no wipers are coming off this car! I finally pull the blades out of the holders leaving the assembly behind.

Step two: At the local parts store named after a major street in this fair city. My policy when possible is to patronize locally owned establishments. I walk in, gather the oil for the oil change and ask for a filter by car and year. Got it. Lay out the wipers. Get an attitude from the clerk. He throws the replacement stuff down. "We'll charge you to put the blades in the holders" he snarls. No problemo..I can do it. I pay and leave.

Step three: Sitting in the Jeep outside the parts store I decide that I'll just put the blades on now. They are too short. I think that I am a chumley and too dense to do this right. After 10 minutes I go back in. The clerk snatches the blades and throws longer blades down. I go back out. Too long. I come back in. This is starting to feel like an auto parts store version of Goldilocks. Too short, too long...what will be just right? I know, more expensive complete assemblies! Another $12 out of my pocket and I leave. These fit. I drive home.

Step four: Install the assemblies on the Aztek (no refills for this baby!). They fit but don't lock in place. I tell the Aztek to accept these or go without and it is going to rain tomorrow. The assemblies click into place.

Step five. Install the blades on the whale. Guess what? Right, too long. I cut 'em off to fit. They fit.

Step six: Change the oil in the whale. No drama so far. Remove the filter. Look at the old filter. Look at the new filter. The new filter is a third bigger. It won't fit. Call the parts shop. 'No problemo! Bring it back to exchange'.

Step seven: At the parts store. The correct filter is a third smaller in size than the one they sold me. It is also a third again more expensive. Interesting relationship, that. I fork over the money and leave.

Step eight: Install the filter, add the oil, start the car. Everything works. Hurray! Back the car out onto the street. Put the driver's window up. It goes up half way and sticks with much grinding and groaning sounds. The groaning was me. I yank the glass up and get it in place. Memo to myself: don't open the window more than half way.

And to think I am an automotive professional. Or a Grouch. It shouldn't happen to a dog...